Fall, Glimmer, Sparkle and Fade

:: Saturday, December 20, 2003 ::

Live Nude Girls! Or Not...

The first non-music list in quite some time, courtesy of Deirdre:
Live, from New York, its the next Top 5!! What is the Ryno's Top 5 favorite sketches from SNL?

Actually, it's live from Connecticut, but who am I to argue? I already know I'm going to get plenty of negative feedback with this one. Mainly because I'm not a huge fan of the 'old school' Saturday Night Live, meaning anything pre-late 80's is not really my thing. I'm sorry, but the early 90's casts of Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Kevin Nealon, Time Meadows, Adam Sandler, David Spade and Co. were the best they ever had. Even after the 'blockbuster' cast started breaking up, SNL has always been able to maintain a pretty solid lineup. Unfortunately the best actors they've had recently -- Will Ferrell and Tracy Morgan -- have both jumped ship. With that being said, here are -- in my humble opinion -- the best sketches Saturday Night Live has ever had to offer.
*Links will bring you to full transcripts courtesy of SNL Transcripts, the best site for the show on the net*

1. Celebrity Jeopardy
- These never got old and it's a shame that I haven't seen them make a new one in quite some time. Hopefully even though Will Ferrell is gone, they'll get someone else to play Alex Trebek so we no longer have to be deprived of the best skit ever. Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery was absolutely priceless: "I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier." A close second was Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds, or "Turd Ferguson" as he preferred to be called. Other quality appearances were by Ben Stiller as Tom Cruise, Drew Barrymore as Calista Flockhart and Tobey Maguire as Keanu Reeves. It doesn't get any better than this kids.

2. Wayne's World
- Mike Myers and Dana Carvey both had great careers, but they both land on the list here because together Wayne's World was stronger than anything they did by themselves. This skit even spawned the best of the Saturday Night Live movies. Yes, those films were better than "A Night at the Roxbury", "Coneheads" and the other 'classics'. Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth. I'm truly not worthy.

3. Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker
- The late Chris Farley was, hands down, one of the best all-time actors this show every had. His Matt Foley skits come in right behind The Chris Farley Show; To Paul McCartney: "You remember when you were in the Beatles? That was cool!". You can tell a character is good if the other actors can't stop themselves from laughing during the skit, even though they've been through it countless times during the week. I've never seen actors crack up during a skit more than with Chris Farley as Matt Foley. Matt Foley also made an appearance as 'Motivational Santa' and 'Bilingual Motivational Speaker'... Pure genius.

4. The Ladies Man
- And freeze! Tim Meadows might have been on SNL for close to 28 years, but along the way he established one of the best characters in the history of the show (no matter how bad the movie was). The premier moment had to be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in full drag as Leon's newest 'love interest'. And the Ladies Man quote of all quotes: "Oh yeah.. well, um.. when I said 'dinner', what I meant was, uh, we'd be having sex. And, uh, when I said 'movie', I meant we'd be videotaping it." Come back Tim Meadows, come back.

5. Brian Fellow's Safari Planet
- The most recent of the sketches on the list and Tracy Morgan's best character. This was one of the last top shelf recurring skits they had left, but now that Tracy has moved on to his own soon-to-be-cancelled sitcom we no longer get the pleasure of seeing Brian Fellow, who is very special. "That bird better PRAY he don't screw up my credit!" That's Crazy!

:: Ryan 3:10 AM [+] ::
...

Voices Carry

Quick and to the point from Phoe:
Top 5 vocalists. Top 5 vocalists. Basically, whose voice do you like?

I've had a few people ask "wouldn't the list just be made up of your favorite artists?" Yes, that's a very rational question, but when have you read anything on this site that has even approached being rational? The simple answer I gave is that there are a lot of bands/artists that I love but who don't necessarily have the most dynamic voices. Not having a particularly good voice myself, I have so much respect for those that can belt out a tune. So I present to you the five voices I am most envious of. Enjoy.

1. Raine Maida, Our Lady Peace
- I remember the first time I heard an OLP song, it was "Superman's Dead" and my first thought was "there's no way this voice could work over the course of an entire album." Well, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Even after I bought -- and fell in love with -- their albums, I somehow thought there had to be some studio smoke and mirrors act going on. That summer I had a chance to see them in concert and I figured I could finally hear what this man's voice sounds like outside the confines of a studio. Not only did the performance match the album, but it surpassed it by leaps and bounds. Incredible.

2. Jude Christodal
- When I first saw Jude in concert, I had no idea who he was. He was the first of two opening acts for Better Than Ezra and you wouldn't necessarily have thought much about him just by his looks. Or at least I didn't. He was just this skinny guy with an acoustic guitar, but I was floored by the sounds he was able to get out of that little body of his. If you are not familiar with this man and his music, you need to be. His new album will be available shortly, but in the meantime you can go to your favorite record store and purchase his first three.

3. Roger Clyne, The Refreshments/Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers
- Very few singers can pull off silly pop songs as well as epic ballads. Roger Clyne is one of those few. Simply listen to the Refreshments big hit "Banditos" and then go and d\l a song called "Nada" and you will be a believer too. Roger tells some of the best stories in his songs and his voice helps to bring you right there with him.

4. Kevin Griffin, Better Than Ezra
- His voice has definitely gotten better with age. With each BTE album, Kevin's voice has been progressing almost as well as his song writing has. The tracks on their latest album, 'Closer', are light years ahead of their first couple albums, which weren't too shabby either.

5. Chris Cornell, Soundgarden/Audioslave
- To carry one mega-rock group? Impressive. To carry a second mega-rock group? Amazing. It takes some mighty strong pipes to do what Chris Cornell has done. Not to mention the fact that he also managed to put together one hell of a solo album along the way.

:: Ryan 7:36 PM [+] ::
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'Tis The Season

Deirdre once again manages to come up with a great list that I can mess up:
In the spirit of the season -- well it's actually because I've been listening to Christmas music since mid-November -- Give up the Ryno's Top 5 Christmas songs. Oldies, re-makes, new ones. Whatever floats your boat.

I am admittedly not a huge fan of the 'classic' Christmas music. I don't look forward to having to hear old school "Jingle Bell Rock" fifty times in the span of the 24 hours that is Christmas day. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I'm just not the type that needs the accompanying soundtrack for every season. However, oddly enough I really like a lot of the more contemporary Christmas music. Re-makes as well as original songs from newer artists. Nothing against Bing Crosby or anything.

1. Fountains of Wayne "I Want an Alien for Christmas"
- C'mon who doesn't want an alien for Christmas? Oh. Really, you don't? Well, I do or at least when I was younger I would have rather had a little green guy with 17 eyes that knows how to fly than a new bike. When you and your family/friends are hanging out around the holidays and there's some Christmas music in the background, just throw this one on. I mean, it's not "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer", but what is? Most definitely the best of the newer original Christmas songs.

2. Blink 182 "I Won't Be Home For Christmas"
- I really like Christmas, I promise. But I think everyone is in agreement that there are those certain moments when you'd like to take a baseball bat to someone's head. Obviously such an act would be a horrible, horrible decision so instead you can put this song on and live vicariously through Blink 182. There's no need to go to jail over someone else's stupidity, especially around the holidays.

3. Everclear "Hating you for Christmas"
- I swear I don't have a problem with Christmas. This title is just a bit deceiving because it's about looking back on many amazing holidays. It just happens that the person those holidays were spent with isn't so much around anymore. And I think everyone has experienced that super awkward moment when you run into that one person around the holidays that you would much rather not see. Throw this one on and think Merry Christmas!

4. Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
- The Boss is as classic as this list is going to get and that's just fine by me. Bruce should record a whole bunch of songs for each holiday to make seasonal radio much more bearable. Plus, this is the best way for the little kids to learn about Bruce. As much as we might like to have them listen to "Thunder Road" and the like, they need to be eased into the greatness that is the Boss.

5. Phantom Planet "Winter Wonderland"
- You can check this one out on the 'Maybe This Christmas' album that was released last year. This is the best cut off the album, which is saying a lot when Coldplay, Bright Eyes, Jack Johnson and Ben Folds also have songs on the disc. You can check out a small snippet of this track on Amazon. I think I like it so much because it's not the version you would expect from them at all. The boys of PP put their own stamp on the song without trying to make it sound like an extension of their own album. If that makes any sense. Probably not.

Happy Holidays!

:: Ryan 8:58 PM [+] ::
...

Say Cheese!

After a long wait, I would like to thank Phoe for this one:
Top five cheesy but good songs.

The next few lists will be the calm before the storm with the Top 20 Albums of 2003 on the way. Please keep the album suggestions coming so that I don't miss any of the best records from the past year. This list was a ton of fun to do though. Everyone interprets 'cheesy' differently, I think of cheesy songs being along the lines of goofy or off the wall. You might have a different interpretation and that's cool, just leave a note on what should have made it into the top 5.

1. Ben Folds Five "For Those of Ya'll Who Wear Fannie Packs"
- These guys had their fair share of goofy tunes, but this one takes the cake. This is a track that you need to take a listen to. No matter how you feel about Ben Folds -- with or without the five -- you truly need to download this song. This is just Ben, Robert and Jesse's way to pay homage to the weekend warriors that evidently feel a need to carry everything they own in a little fannie pack. The fact that this was all done on the fly makes it that much more impressive.

I said for those of ya'll with fannie packs
This song's coming out, it's coming at ya!
I wanna borrow an Alan wrench
I wanna borrow some duct tape
I wanna borrow a mic cable

2. Self "Trunk Fulla Amps"
- If you have never heard this song, this is another one you need to go and download right now. You can get it here. Even if you don't like or haven't ever heard of Self, I can promise you this is the real deal. Again, it's not so much the usual definition of 'cheesy', but off the wall it most definitely is. How many bands could manage to squeeze references to Lenny Kravitz, Freddy Mercury, Glen Danzig and ELO into one song?

I've got amps from sellin' stamps, motherfucker
Like Glen Danzig, mother-fucker

3. Tenacious D "Tribute"
- It's a pleasure anytime I can put the self-proclaimed greatest and best band in the world on a list. Especially when said song is a tribute to the greatest and best song in the world from the greatest and best band in the world. C'mon, there aren't many times when you hear the words "off the wall" without Jack Black and KG following right behind them. I prefer the version from their HBO series to the one on the album because there's a little bit of "Stairway to Heaven" thrown in the middle, but both are just plain classic.

We played the first thing that came to our heads
Just so happened to be The Best Song in the World
It was The Best Song in the World

And the peculiar thing is this my friends
The song we sang on that fateful night
It didn't actually sound anything like this song
This is just a tribute

4. Bloodhound Gang "Mope"
- I'm pretty sure I could put any of their songs here and it would make sense. For example, I could've went with "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying", "Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny", "Magna Cum Nada", "She Ain't Got No Legs" or "You're Pretty When I'm Drunk". But I decided "Mope" was the best choice mainly because you wouldn't know there was anything funky going on here by the title, unlike the others I mentioned. Plus, any song dedicated to Falco is fine by me. Pac-Man also has a cameo. Yes, Pac-Man. Enough said.

Tried to O.D. on the Cold-Eeze
Golden Girls got me Sweatin' To The Oldies
Hangin out like double Ds, sip Long Island Iced Teas
Wrote to Mayor McCheese "Send a Shamrock Shake please?"

I dial the wrong number hope a conversation starts
I mean I might as well be listenin' to Journey
Givin' myself a mullet hook the Flowbee to the Kirby
Make a prank call pretendin' I'm a mime
Get stuck in traffic just to pass the time

5. Zebrahead "Playmate of the Year"
- I'm a fan of these guys and definitely think they're one of the better punk bands out there. This masterpiece probably isn't what they'll want to be remembered by, but it's a great tune nonetheless. This is an anthem for teen boys everywhere around the world.

Hello, how are you?
It's great to see you too
Let's grab a sock, it's time to rock
And afterwards you never wanna talk

:: Ryan 4:48 AM [+] ::
...

I took Thanksgiving off, but the next list will be up this weekend. However, more importantly, it's the end of the year which means it's almost time for the Top 20 Albums of 2003. I'd like everyone to leave a list of their favorites and maybe a few albums I might have missed. The only condition is that is had to have been released in 2003 (duh!).

You can check out my Top 20 of 2002, as well as a look back at 2001 by clicking on the archive link for January of this year. Suggest away.

:: Ryan 8:04 PM [+] ::
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